Welcome Post: Not Morally Grey, Completely Black

- July 29, 2023

29 Jul 2023

Dear Diary,

Yesterday was the best funeral I have ever been to. It really did put the 'fun' in the funeral.

"Oh, the chaos and the cries,

a freaking feast to my eyes." (sings)

First kidnapping a guy, torturing him and ultimately letting him die... my favorite sport did not end here. I went to the funeral! The wife knew I killed him, she kept blaming me but who would believe her?

I was just a 23 year old 60kg pale looking 'maiden'. Me? manhandling and killing a 6'2ft guy? Weak. Too weak. Ain't I?

Anyway, her angry screams were music to my ears. I love what I do-putting people to their places. Afterall, he did find his appropriate place- 6 feet under! Haha. I will tell you more later. bye

Yours hauntingly

Helza

Later that day...

Hey there, can you help me maintain a list? Here, please keep noting it while I babble because I have the memory of a goldfish.

My grocery list
My hair appointments
My room (yours too)
My dashboard of to-do lists
My life
Your Perspective about my life

That's it. Thank you for noting it. You see, all of these things have one thing in common- they all are messy. None of them will make sense if I do not provide you with context. Last one is my favorite. You will definitely have an opinion on my life. You will judge it on society's metrics of right and wrong. Most of the people are scared of judgment, I like to control it because your perspective about my life is going to be based on what I show you.

Wanna see how?

Here are a few things that I did in last 24 hours:

kidnapped a sex trafficker
tortured him to hell
did not let him die until I wished so
hid his body
fake found his body
attended his funeral
whispered in his wife's ear- "I did it for you sweetheart. He wailed for James in his last breath."

You may think of me as someone with a grey character like all those popular gangster lovers in smut books. He was a sex trafficker after all, Helza. You must find a ray of goodness and hope in my story, killing for good. You did. I know you did.

What I didn't tell you was that I had no idea he was a sex trafficker until I started kicking his balls in my basement and he screamed. Hell nah, I didn't even know his name. Earlier in evening, I was drunk and angry and I missed going on a killing spree, I missed how blood felt on my hands- warm, crimson, bold, powerful.

So I dragged myself to the nearest café to eat something. What? Do not judge Peasant, food has saved so many lives. Can't kill? Eat a croissant.

This expensive looking man was shouting on the waitress. Nope, I didn't do it for the waitress, don't find hope. The man had something to him, He had pretty eyes- Grey. Like his pretty eyes wanted to be out of his head. It was irresistible and they were so inviting. I wanted them in my hands and by the end of the night, I had them.

The point is that you will only put thought into my side of story. Regardless of me being a notorious villain in autobiographies of many people out there (I take pride in it), you will only judge me on how I wished to be judged.

This is not the story of a dead guy, this is the story of control. I control how this story goes, I control what you think of me, I control how I wish to be seen, to be judged. The Narc in me will haunt you for days if I ever come out of the computer screen.

To be honest, it was hilarious to see that you guys were thinking that I was doing it for good. Like my ways were bad but my intention was good. No honey, you need to stop finding ways to justify my existence and my actions.

I am bad.

Inside and out.

Welcome to my blog which is not morally grey, it is completely black. Remember honey, I am in control of your perception of me and boy, do I love being in control.

Your Worst Nightmare,

The Helza Shine